how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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