just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
NoShamevember. You game?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
