I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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