3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
