Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
