i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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