And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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