Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
