I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
