I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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