ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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