Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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