so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
