woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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