Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
