do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
