glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
