this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
