When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
