Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
