You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
