I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
