So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
