McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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