Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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