How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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