I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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