Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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