3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
