So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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