he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
