I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
