I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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