"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
