Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize