I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
love makes seman taste better
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
