I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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