I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
