So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
