If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
