Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
