I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize