Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
