Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
