One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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