I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
