respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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