fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
