What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
People in love make me want to vomit
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
