Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
