I'm gonna have a badass scar
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
