i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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