please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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