I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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