Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
