Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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