this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
