I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Boobs are out for the taking
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
