dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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