My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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