Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
