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Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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