You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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