you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
