Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
