this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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