is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
