even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
