I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
