Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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