YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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