batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
