he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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