I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
