Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
