Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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