Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Quick, to the slutcave!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i think i just lost a toe
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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