I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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