The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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