I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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