I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
