Someone shit on the floor
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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