I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize