I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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