Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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