I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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