no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
