apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
