I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
