when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
