There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize