I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
