What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
